There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
