The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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