We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
