Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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