What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
