Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
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I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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