I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dear god my vagina.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
