Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
