What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
