just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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