I'm laying in your front yard are you home
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
