i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
