you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
