dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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