your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am one with the molecules
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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