i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
