I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
