Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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