Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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