I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
