My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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