Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When did angry sex become our thing?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize