Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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