definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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