guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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