I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
