Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Randomize
