Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
