you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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