you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
