I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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