remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
