I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
