were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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