what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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