3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
