I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Someone signed my nipple.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
