I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
