It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
