It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
