i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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