Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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