Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
