New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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