Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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