i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My sheets look like a crime scene.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
