something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
