Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
