cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I pour the whiskey from now on
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