see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
