I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
