there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
