Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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