But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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