I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The Olympian is in my bed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
