I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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