so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
MIDGETS
????
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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