worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
