i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize