if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
