Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
