these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
